Sunday, February 12

Endless Adventure

Law School.
That sounded serious didn't it?
The fact is, it is not as serious as it is supposed to be. It's enraged with a myriad mix of student politics, dumb blonde's, vain group-ism and most importantly, it is tainted with treachery. I'm making this sound too bad aren't I?.

Well, see, in a country whose population is the second largest in the world, the techniques of evaluation for a test are - pardon my language - SHITTY. Sometimes I feel like I'm back in school. You know, the typical groups, with the jocks, the nerds and the cool people at different tables. Unlike that, people in a law school stick to a group because they get stuff from the other people in that group. And by virtue of being overtly-enthusiastic about law - NONE of them will ever shut up. Sometimes I even feel like buying loads of duct-tape to seal their highly expanded gobs.

I feel like I'm in a highly taunted work-place where people suck-up to their bosses and five minutes later, when they're out of ear-shot, they make fun of them and/or chide them incessantly. Either I've grown up too fast or these people around me belong to kindergarten. Either way, there is a serious lag in communication and maturity level here.

Talking about maturity level, I don't understand why these people think they're too cool because they post pictures of themselves on Facebook  every time they meet up someplace. Honestly. We get it, you guys are "friends" *cough cough* and you want to project an image to your other people on your Facebook that where you study is severely cool. Having said that, they've failed on several levels on the same.

With nearly four research papers due right now. My teachers fail at teaching too. With a few exceptions of course. I recently had a question about my answer sheets and why she'd refused to give me anything more than a 2 over a 6 and she said "your answer didn't appeal to me". What am I doing in the exam hall? Am I trying to make my answers look "sexy" enough for her to evaluate?. See, that's the problem with the so titled educators in this country, they're trying to play hard to get when they don't realize that nobody is after them. This stupid rat-race for excellence has not only claimed lives of people, it's also driving me insane. So if I am arrested next for stabbing a certain *cough* Economics *cough* teacher for being an absolute git, I think I've done my part for the future of this world.

Nuff said,
Peace. (Almost).

Wednesday, December 28

Happyness - Bleh!

Today has not really been a very cheerful day.
I feel like there's a part of me that wants to leave. Like there is something that wants to be invisible. I certainly don't want that to happen.

It feels like being too happy. The problem about being too happy is that you know you might end up in tears sometime. The heart broken, slashed, torn across the middle and left to bleed away in the darkness. We all want to be happy. We don't want to cry. No feeling lost or forlorn. But is that even possible? Ever?

I don't like these "Hormone" thingies. They don't let me be happy too long -__-"
Ohh!
Ever felt like you were used? By the people you thought loved you a lot???
If you haven't, trust me, its not a nice place to be. There's a point in people's lives when they saturate into not being afraid to lose you. And they are pretty damn sure that you officially have no life without them. In my case, I'm not too sure that's entirely true. And I am kinda sick of the fact that I have to end be being treated like somebody who is hanging around them to do me a favor. I cannot fathom why I have to be the victim and the torch-bearer to people who lack basic human courtesy.

Am I really such a resoundingly cheap person? O_O
Do I send vibes out that say that I'm only an "attention-whore" and all I do is "whine day in and day out" so much so that, everything I say, everything I feel is sidelined and ignored?.

True, maybe I am a little conceited. But then, aren't we all?

Sunday, December 25

Ho Ho Ho!!

After a short and non-surprising dinner today, I reluctantly sat back on the couch to watch some television. In so many ways, I've outgrown television. I confine myself to things that are not too highly boring these days which don't really include all the regional farce-oriented channels. So anyway, I sat back for some Masterchef. Trust me, I love that show. I know I am horrifying at cooking, but there is something about shows that show me how to cook things (I watch and don't really replicate them in the kitchen =P). Since the last season of Masterchef Australia ended, I've been pretty heart-broken. India has tried (and failed) at recreating this. I noticed something very weird about the way Indians were reacting to the pressure of the competition and the way the Americans and the Australians reacted to the competition.

Australians and the Americans were all "I want to make it to the finals because I want me to be good at something I really care about" while the Indians were all about "I want to make it to the finals because I want to make my relatives happy". I know, this is probably a little too stupid of me, but then again, I couldn't help but notice their ultimate satisfaction factor. Why would anybody want to do something that is not entirely making them happy? Isn't that what life should be about? - Finding YOUR purpose?!

But then, I looked at myself. I am one to talk. I end up feeling like a soggy biscuit when I'm not pleasing people. I act like I've been violated when peoples reactions don't go my way.

I suppose there is that tinge of desperation in all of us. Its the disease of trying really hard to please people, of trying very hard to be accepted.
So here is my part of the Christmas spirit (These are not resolutions per se, just something I know I need to do ^^). I am going to be the person who I really want to be. I want to choose to be a happy person. I want to choose to be somebody who can manage to be blissful even at times of ultimate sorrow. I want to choose for myself a life where I know I can be in control even when everything is topsy-turvy.

Sounds a little to optimistic eh? But hell yes I am trying!! =)
We always have a choice. And all our choices have consequences. It will be fun however, to see those who've made the wrong choices - and made it seem like I'm the one who has been wrong - tumble down into unworthiness. Afterall, what's life without a little dark humor? ;)

Merry Christmas 2011!!!
XOXO

Desolate

A selfless beam of light has traveled,
Bent against sticks and moved through glass,
Through the dirt and through the grass,
Yet it was not lost nor destroyed.

A passing pair of wings wonder-struck,
A gaping question flashed unheard,
"Could it ever be mine?" she asked,
And flew past with mounds of doubt.

With truth seeping into her soul, 
She knew nothing could ever be hers,
For she wasn't hers and neither was her self ,
She is owned, ordered and tread upon.

As an enchanting world smiles at her,
Which she ought not embrace,
Her wounds are never allowed to heal,
But salted in everlasting memory.

While her heart soars away into dreams,
Her mind knows better and is convoluted,
A foot in reality and another in abstractness,
Her false world, truly her own has her desolate.

~ Pixie